Mistakes, don't you love 'em?

I won't be the first person to admit that I'm perfect. You'll probably find me somewhere close to the bottom, among the common folk. I'll stand up, proudly raise my hand and say I'm human, I'm prone to making mistakes. This doesn't mean that they're right or wrong, just that we sometimes allow ourselves to be influenced by outside forces or family members to do something we may not 100% agree with.

This goes with women. There's one who I'll avoid mentioning the name of because it wouldn't be fair to her; but, she'll know who I'm talking about when I go through the rest of this entry. Anyway, this woman and I have had our fair share of ups and downs. I've always in the back of my head thought it strange that no matter what happens I always find myself coming back to thinking about her, wondering how she's doing or just generally wishing that I could talk to her in person. Whether or not she's ever truly trusted me is an entirely different story and hey, I can tell you from person experience that I've made my fair share of mistakes and been worthy of the hesitancy in trust. Did I ever completely trust her? I don't honestly know.

You always see this quotes saying something along the lines of, 'never give up and you'll eventually get what you've been hoping for' or something loosely along those lines. Would I love another opportunity with her? Hell yes, do I deserve it? Probably not. I wouldn't blame a person who's been hurt multiple times, had their heart put through the ringer and questions people to not want to put themselves out on a limb to find out whether or not that feeling they think might be real could be fake.

I go through that emotion every time I start opening myself up to a woman. It's not easy for me. My first ever ex left me with a bunch of scars and self-doubt about myself. I always seem to question myself when I look at a woman and wonder if I'm truly worthy of someone like them. I don't have the body I want, the money I want to have to treat a girl right, etc. I could list a plethora of endless excuses; but, it all comes down to me and my past. It's a barrier that I have to overcome myself. A literal, physical plateau I have to overcome to become a better, more human person.

If you're reading this and you know who you are, I know I can never say sorry enough or mean it enough; but, I genuinely miss you and think about you often. Sometimes it's a fear of seeing something we don't want to or fearing the likelihood of such an outcome that causes us to be hesitant to approach someone.

Till next time folks! P.S. Please convince your representatives to focus on the budget! There are hundreds of thousands of employees who will suffer because of their stubbornness and inconsistency, myself included.

Thanks!