Bouts of Loneliness Consume Me

Hello everyone!

It's way past time for me to write another one of these entries. As many of you regulars know and for those I haven't told, I was seeing a girl for a few dates, thought things were going really well and then she told me out of the blue that she didn't sense the spark she was looking for between us and ended things to avoid wasting both our times. I hadn't realized how much I had opened up to her until she ended it and I realized that I missed being able to cuddle with her. Do I know if it was love? No. Do I know that it felt really, really good to cuddle with her on the couch and do nothing but stare at each other? Yes. The worst part is she is literally the third girl I've kissed, haha. I seem to have a running trend of either scaring women off or doing something subconsciously to make them wary of pursuing things between us further.

The worst part?

I kept wondering the whole time we were dating if it was the right time to kiss her. I kept thinking back to all of the blogs, tips, etc I'd read as well as the advice my friends imparted upon me about not kissing on the first date despite the desire to do so when I hugged her. I kept thinking that maybe I didn't show her that I was really interested or was sending her mixed signals. I'm new to a lot of the dating ins and outs and it's hard for me to open up and express myself sometimes. I don't think some girls understand just how hard it is for me to kiss them. It's not that I don't want to; but, it's like there's massive wall constructed in my mind that keeps me from kissing, touching, etc despite wanting to. It's a pain in the butt and I'm working on it as I'm able to.

Anyway, since the end of things, I've been feeling very lonely lately. I know there's ways to fix that and I have Minnie so I should be fine, right? I thought so too at first. Turns out that once I had a taste of the cuddles that I had with the girl, I want more. I want to come home to someone and snuggle with them on the couch, burrow under the covers with Minnie snuggling on top of us and watch movies or TV. I tried going out with some friends this past weekend and I thought that would help; but, it turned out to be more a bore as we didn't really do much of anything.

Anyway, it helped to write this so I'm going to try to be more proactive on the site and in keeping up with my blogs.

Thanks for reading!